Welcome to RebeccaLobo.com

ALSO SEE:

2001 WNBA Playoffs coverage

Royal Pronouncements by Monarchs center Kara Wolters

Newark airport fun, quote of the year possibilty and Coach Richie's jam

Aug. 25, 2001

The following is not a typical athlete's journal entry. You will not read about how many points were scored, who won, or who was difficult to guard. Instead, you will get a fresh look into the bizarre happenings that make up The World According To Me. I'll be posting new entries regularly, so stay tuned ...

Wolters
Welcome to the Eastern Conference Finals. Excitement abounds as the series moves to the Garden to determine the champion of the Right Coast. If you want to read about what's happening in the West (or about black cats), you need to check out Kara Wolters' column. To get the skinny in my World -- you've come to the right place. I've made a bet with Kara (she just doesn't know it yet) -- depending on who fares better in these playoffs, the loser (Kara) must refer to the winner (me) as the "Grand Pooh-bah" for the rest of 2001. After all, I think that is only fair!!! OK, on to the madness ...

We started these Eastern Finals with a sought after trip to Charlotte. Time to share some of the excitement ... starting with our flight down south!!!

Newark Airport Zagat Guide
Burger King (one asteroid): The King tries to separate itself from the other burger chains by offering meats flame-broiled for flavor. Apparently the BK in the Newark airport forgot to get the appropriate cookbook. While watching the workers prepare fine foods, I saw a woman pull a tray of burgers out of ... a microwave. I'm sure they were flame-broiled at some point. However, the question remains ... WHEN!?!?

Dick Clark's American Bandstand Restaurant (zero asteroids): After shunning the mouth-watering experience that BK promised, I went to D.C.'s restaurant in the Newark Airport. After taking my order, the waitress said, "I really don't feel like being here today." I just love hearing that kind of enthusiasm from someone in the service industry while they are providing me a service. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when my order was delivered and it was completely wrong. At least the photos of Dick Clark perched on the walls enhanced the flavor of the succulent morsels upon which the people around me feasted.

Sue
Nathan's Hot Dogs (two asteroids ... for hygiene): After completing my one-course meal at the Bandstand, I went in search of an ice-cold beverage. I wandered into Nathan's for a tasty Diet Pepsi. (I guess Nathan doesn't watch WNBA games or care that Diet Coke is a sponsor.) Any hoo, while paying for my drink I glanced upon a sign behind the counter that stated, "Employees must wash hands. It's the law." I guess I missed the passing of that bill while I was studying up on President Bush's new tax law. Sue (our current events aficionado) was both embarrassed and horrified that I hadn't yet heard of The Nathan's Act. She said, and I quote, "Perhaps you should get out more ... idiot." (Ok, slight exaggeration here.)

With our bellies full of grub and our bodies full of Eastern Conference Finals anticipation, the Liberty boarded a US Airways flight to Charlotte. Unfortunately we sat on the plane for two hours without moving (well, we moved ... the plane didn't). The pilot kept announcing over the PA that mechanics were trying to fix ... the PA. Finally, we were informed -- once again over the PA -- that they were going to have to switch planes because the PA didn't work. Now, I'm no Jim Rockford, but that explanation seemed fishier to me than salmon cooked on the George Foreman Grill!!

As an aside, the Charlotte airport banned Dick Clark's restaurant (and everything else Dick Clark ... except Rockin' eve) in 1985. They believe he maliciously ignores the impact Loretta Lynn had on hip hop. However, the US Airways terminal has a wonderful eatery called the Stock Car Cafe. I did not dine here for one simple reason -- it's impossible to get a reservation if you don't have a mullet.

Autograph Etiquette Installment #9
(not to be confused with Ladder Company #7)

Cooper
Camille Cooper told me that she was once asked to sign an autograph ... with permanent marker ... on a man's chest ... at 4 a.m. ... while studying in the Purdue library. Instead of flying the Coop, Camille signed the man's torso and then checked out a copy of One Flew Over the Cookoo's Nest for him.

The obvious question ... what the heck was Coop doing studying anywhere at 4 a.m.?!?!

That Sure Ain't no Pong
One of the hot Palm Pilot games the kids are playing these days is called "Dope Wars." The object? To make the biggest profit you can selling drugs while evading capture by the police. Ah, the humanity ...

Just Wondering ...
If a Peppermint Patty provides the same sensation in both rectangular and round form? I actually saw the candy for sale in a shape that resembles the cheese crackers you find in vending machines. I am old school and believe the whole mint experience is tarnished if the thing isn't round. But that's just me.

Why it is so hard to find a good cabaret these days?

I find it hard to watch the end of our oh-so-close Game 1 win over the Sting.
(AP Photo)
How the Hive in Charlotte can think it's appropriate to play the song "That Sexy Thing" during timeouts?

What a She-Crab is? Our room service menu in Charlotte offered She-Crab bisque for $4.75. Didn't know there was such a thing as a she-crab. Just one question ... how can you tell?

In the News ...
Fondue is making a comeback ... and you better recognize! According to Rick Rogers, author of Fondue: Great Food to Dip, Dunk, Savor and Swirl, "It's back with a vengeance -- and it's not going to go away this time." While I won't argue with Rick, I would like to know what demographic will buy his book.

Judges in Clute, Texas, admitted rigging tryout scores for women attempting to make the Brazoswood High School cheerleading squad. As a result, all 60 girls -- of various shapes and sizes -- who tried out made the team. In a related story, not a single hand went up when the coach asked for volunteers for the bottom of the human pyramid.

The Louisville Slugger Museum got into some trouble when it put up a billboard proclaiming that it has "more old bats than a needlepoint convention." Irate needlepointers refused to fall down and not get up. Instead, the Embroiderers' Guild of America (which has 20,000 members) issued the following terse response: "Our membership is from probably six years old up to 100 years old." Take THAT batboys.

Similes R Us
I enjoy it when people write and speak using similes. For example, I love hearing (over and over again) how a car can have "an arena ready sound system that keeps it throbbing like a human heart." Well thought out gems like that make it hard to appreciate the ad agency that came up with the following weak tag line for Geico auto insurance: "Like an air bag for your wallet." C'mon, that stinks like the Garden after a Madonna concert ... or something like that.

Quote of the Week (and possibly year)
While boarding the bus at the Charlotte airport, a sky cab asked Camille Cooper, "Are you from Tennessee?" Coop told the man that she was actually from Kentucky. The man's reply, "Well ... you're the only TEN I SEE!!!"

Nagy
Random Acts of Madness
I must offer an apology to Andrea Nagy. She wasn't too thrilled that I wrote in my last World how she stores protein bars in her bra during practice. She was discussing her displeasure with me at pregame meal when her cell rang and she pulled the phone out ... of her bra. I kid you not!

Our trainer, Lisa White, has an identical twin sister named Michelle. Our assistant coach, Patty Coyle, has an identical twin sister named Mary (all are Caucasian). This prompted Tamika Whitmore to ask, "Why do black people gotta make their twins' names rhyme? Like ... Tawana and Iguana." (I've learned over the past two years to just listen to Miko and smile. She can be a funny girl.)

Coach Richie
Vickie Johnson walked into the locker room before a recent game while the rest of the team was on the court warming up. Coach Richie was the only person in there and was putting his pregame plans on the board. Apparently, the radio was blaring and Coach was grooving a little to the beat. However, VJ was afraid that he would be mad that the team left the radio on. She went over and cut off the music, which made Richie turn and say, "Hey, hey, hey -- don't turn off my jam."

Two Pinkies Up (Movie Review)
Rush Hour 2 is a fantastic movie. Not all sequels can be knee slappers, but this one qualifies. I'd even see it a second time.

State and Main is a quality rental. The words, "It's night" have never before tickled me so.

Time for a Shout Out to:
Lil' Bros who watch Love & Basketball while wearing big bro's umpire shoes
"You can't lose them all" consolers
Men with trash in their can
Intermission-friendly nappers
Pool-playing, Saratoga-attending scribes who deserve a chance to pen a masterpiece
Dudes who get "chicks" numbers on airplanes
Understanding, patient landlords
My articulate bay-bay: Can't wait to see the pool face again.
All the milk drinkers in Cleveland
Grace Daley's family: It's clear where Amazin' gets her sweetness.
Guest Shout: Allison wanted me to make sure to say "Happy Birthday" to Elvis Costello (8/25)