Nov. 15, 2000

The following is not a typical athlete's journal entry. You will not read about how many points were scored, who won, or who was difficult to guard. Mostly because of what you'll read about below. Instead, you will experience The World According To Me. I'll be posting new entries regularly, so stay tuned ...

Pretty soon I might be changing the name of my column to "Where in the World (according to me) am I?" I will be going overseas to play in January (site to be determined) and I just hope that a sense of humor is universal. If not, I will be the only one laughing at my jokes ... and that is never fun.

I tested the international waters in October when I took a six-day trip to Holland. It was my first non-business trip in a long time. I started my vacation with a walking tour of Amsterdam. I felt right at home when I went into a local shop that sold the classy and prestigious Boogie Bass. I found some very tasteful post cards and mailed them to all my friends back home (I sent four).

The rest of my trip was spent working out at a local gym and watching ... basketball. Since the Knicks traded Patrick Ewing, my favorite men's professional team is Breda (in Holland). They have the most athletic 2-guard I've seen since Mike and Vince, and feature post players that rival the Celtics' days with Bird, Parrish and McHale. If you are in the Netherlands, you MUST make a trip to see this phenomenal team play!!! (I'll forgive the coach for calling a surprise Sunday practice and ruining my plans to visit the Van Gogh museum).

I felt pretty confident until the transport bus pulled up to a plane without wheels and an engine being worked on by a man holding a flashlight.

The only way to top the excitement of a trip abroad is with a sojourn out to Mason City, Iowa. I ventured to the Midwest to do a basketball clinic and speak at Northern Iowa Area Community College (NIACC). The only way to reach Mason City is by flying through Minneapolis and taking a little prop plane. I felt pretty confident until the transport bus pulled up to a plane without wheels and an engine being worked on by a man holding a flashlight. Everyone on the bus looked around with trepidation until the bus driver turned around, laughed at us, and drove a little further to the plane we actually were going to board. (I'm all for a sense of humor ... but there is a time and place!)

It wasn't until I arrived in Iowa that I learned that Mason City is famous for being the city (term used loosely) where Buddy Hollie's plane crashed ... very reassuring. I stayed in a hotel suite that housed former First Lady Barbara Bush when she came to speak at the college a few years before. Apparently, she had a hairdresser come to the room to wash and style her hair before her speaking engagement. From what I understand, the sink wasn't suited to wetting her hair, so she used the Jacuzzi in the room for that purpose. After hearing that, I couldn't bring myself to get in the Jacuzzi. My mind kept conjuring up the visual of sitting in the hot tub and having it moan and groan before burping up a ball of white hair. Come to think of it, I don't know if I'll ever be able to take a Jacuzzi again!!

Next to the hotel was a restaurant that continues to confuse me. It was Carlos O'Kelley's Mexican restaurant. I can boast that I come from both Cuban and Irish ancestry, however I have never before seen that combination in a restaurant. I just didn't think Iowa was the place I would come to find such a likely (?) combination of cuisine.

While perusing the Des Moines newspaper I read of a serious (but very, very funny) crime. Apparently, a gentleman named Cory Shelton was carjacked while driving his limousine. He picked up a passenger and when it was time to drop the man off and collect payment, he was threatened with a ... FORK. The driver and passenger got into a scuffle and Mr. Shelton was able to wrestle the fork away. However, before the passenger could pull another utensil (perhaps a soup spoon) out of his bag, Mr. Shelton fled the scene. The passenger then drove away in the car. Police caught up with the mad-fork man and he was charged with carjacking and drunken driving. However, to Mr. Shelton's dismay, the perpetrator was not charged with assault with a weapon ... imagine that!!!

More News
In case you were too busy preparing for Take Your Daughter To Work Day or Take Your Dog To Work Day, I must inform you that there is now a Take Your Fish To Work Day. The day is designed to "inspire companies to think about the soothing benefits of fish in the workplace for humans." I don't know about you, but I find nothing soothing about finding a goldfish floating at the top of the tank every three days.

Staying on the pet theme ... there is an alarming shortage of blood donors -- for animals. If your dog is ready and willing to donate blood to the animal blood bank, he must be able to keep still for five minutes so blood can be drawn. Cats usually need to be sedated. Pretty soon animals will be able to put donor cards on their drivers' license ...

Back to the travel theme ... I completely understand why airports have bookstores, clothing stores and food markets, but why a Staples office supply store? Is it just in case your portable fax machine runs out of paper or printing ribbon? That's an odd fit in my book!

Embarrassing Moment of the Week
I spoke at a dinner for female teachers in Connecticut (my mother roped me in), and while there I signed an autograph for a woman, but she couldn't quite decipher what I wrote. She chastised me for my poor penmanship and told me that her students had better handwriting. I asked her what grade she taught. The answer -- KINDERGARTEN!!!

Reminder
For all those participating in Yoplait yogurt's "Save Lids to Save Lives" campaign: the lids are due Dec. 1. Yoplait yogurt has already donated $550,000 to the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure and they are donating 10 cents for every lid sent in (up to $500,000) to the Komen Foundation. All of the money will be used in the fight against breast cancer. You can still participate by buying the Yoplait yogurt with the pink lid and then mailing it in. I can't promise that it'll make you grow to be a 6-foot-4 basketball player with bad penmanship, but I can promise that it'll make a big difference in someone's life!!

Time now for Shout Outs to:
Shoe and the rest of the players in Breda: Thanks for showing me how to bounce back from a tough loss.
Ashley: keep working on that knee. You'll have a great year.
All the kids on the NIACC hoop team.
The Uconn Huskies women's hoop yeam: Keep doing your thing.
Jennifer: Count this as a Two Dog salute.
Jen Rizzotti and the Hartford Hawk women's basketball team: keep working on that 4.0.
Blind-date-enjoying Jewish women.
Rob: the mail order king of Holland.
Wine-spewing papas
Cheesecake-eating authors in L.A.