June 22, 1999

The following is not a typical athlete's journal entry. You will not read about how many points were scored, who won, or who was difficult to guard--especially because now it's the offseason. So, you will not find a box score or read about the officiating, either. Instead, you will experience The World According To Me. Each week, I'll be posting another entry, so stay tuned...

I felt the world gasp on Thursday, June 10th. It was only 20 seconds into our game against Cleveland and I went down with an injured knee. After I hobbled to the training room and heard the diagnosis of a torn ACL, the question on everyone's mind was: what is going to happen to "The World According To Me"? I must admit, that was the thing that really made my eyes water and my voice cry out in pain. I wondered, will the folks at WNBA.com allow me to write my column if I am not on the court playing? After many phone calls, begging and pleading, (and yes, some bribes), I was able to convince the computer police to keep my column going. So... here is the very first edition of "The World According To Me... With One Knee"!

My loyal readers might notice a few changes to my column in the next few months. I won't be able to give first hand accounts of the funny things that happen on the road because I will not be traveling with the team. But have no fear, I have enlisted my trusted friend Sue Wicks to be a guest correspondent while the team is on the road. She will be keeping her eyes open to the humor that exists outside of the Big Apple. (She is being paid by the word and therefore might get a sentence or two per column). Also, if the column gets goofier than normal or has more misspellings than usual, remember that I might be writing from a hospital bed after a doctor- prescribed dose of painkillers. Alright, let's get down to business.

First, let me give a huge "Thanks" to all of the New Yorkers who have stopped me and given their well wishes for a speedy recovery. People in cars have even pulled over or yelled out of their car windows and given words of encouragement. As tough as the people in this city can be at times, they sure know how to make someone feel loved during something like this! (By the way, I prefer flowers to candy).

Now on to the good stuff: making light of life. When I have my surgery, the doctors are going to fix my ACL using a part of a cadaver. They told me this the evening of my injury after I was taken to the hospital. My first question was, "Can I choose the cadaver?" The doctors looked at me like I was crazy. I just figured that I could choose someone with really high calves and muscular legs who looked like he/she used to jump really high. (I was obviously kidding& but it took the doctors a minute to figure that out). Come to think of it, it was a pretty sick question.

The I Can't Believe She Did That Award goes to...

Kym Hampton. She was a guest on the Rosie O'Donnell show the day fake Austin Powers teeth were given to the audience. It would be a gross understatement to say Kym has had fun with her new choppers. She loves putting them in her mouth and walking up to people and talking to them. It is amazing how bad teeth can transform a pretty girl like Kym into something... less than appealing. Anyway, for some reason , Kym decided to make these teeth a little more permanent. She bought some Poly-Grip and used it to cement the fake teeth to her own. After waiting about five minutes for the Poly-Grip to start working, Kym got scared that the teeth might not ever come off. She panicked and tried to get the stuff off her teeth. She said it was like, "cement" . After nearly ten minutes of flossing, brushing, and scraping , she was able to remove all the Poly-Grip from her own pearly whites. (Kym can still be seen in airport terminals and other public places wearing her newest oral accessory).

It Might Make Sense to You and Me but...

I had to use the restroom while at the movie theatre after watching the new Austin Powers flick (which I loved), and while washing my hands I realized that if I ever own a business with a bathroom, I am going to post a big sign that says, "MY EMPLOYEES ARE SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW TO WASH THEIR HANDS"!

I was crutching to a game the other night and a man asked me, "Are you playing tonight?". I thought he would win the dumb question of the month award until I crutched to a game a few nights later. This time a man asked me to sign his picture. He told me I could just "sign as I walked".

The man who works in the pharmacy by my building told me proudly the other day how he recognized my picture in the newspaper. He told his friends, "I know that chick". He was obviously excited to relay this exchange to me. I can't tell you how touched I was to be the "chick" that Mr. Politically Correct recognized!

Quote of the Week:

At team meal before the LA game, discussion somehow made its way to the movie "What About Bob?" starring Bill Murray ("baby steps, baby steps"). Out of nowhere, Sue Wicks proclaimed, " When I make my movie, I might let Bill Murray make a guest appearance." MIGHT LET?

It is Once Again Time for the Shout Out Section...

 to Yvonne and my great physical therapists
 to all the people who sent flowers
 to the Uconn women's basketball coaches for their concern
 to people who rudely talk on cell phones at NBA games
 to the woman who wanted me to use the handicap elevator
 to all who laughed at www.shhh.com
 to my friends at Mattel who made the arm-moving Tarzan doll
 to the hoops coach who gave me nice words of encouragement after the Detroit game